COFFEE.
LOUD.
NO APOLOGIES.
An 80s-inspired cafe for Gen X, Gen X lovers, and even the haters — because our coffee is unapologetically great. Just like the greatest generation to ever hit the dance floor. Go Carlton.
**** COMMODORE 300 BAUD ****
64K RAM SYSTEM 38911 BASIC BYTES FREE
READY.
LOAD "CAFE",8,1
SEARCHING FOR CAFE
LOADING...
WELCOME TO 300 BAUD CAFE
------------------------
TODAY'S STATUS:
COFFEE ............. GREAT
PRICES ............. SUSPICIOUSLY 80s
MUSIC .............. LOUD ENOUGH
WI-FI .............. FASTER THAN THIS
ATTITUDE ........... UNAPOLOGETIC
PRESS ANY KEY TO STAY AWHILE
> █EAT. DRINK. REWIND.
Proper Coffee
Espresso, iced coffee, flat whites and the kind of black coffee that got an entire generation through questionable decisions.
80s-ish Prices
Not literally 1984 — the landlord would object — but priced so you can order another one without consulting your financial adviser.
Maximum Gen X
Mixtapes, arcade energy, BBS nerdery, 80s music and absolutely no requirement to pretend you understand TikTok.
THE 80s
ALL DAY.
New wave. Pop. Rock. Hip-hop. Prince. Madonna. Talking Heads. Run-D.M.C. The Cure. And enough synth to make a keyboard nervous.
REQUESTS WELCOME. JUDGMENT POSSIBLE.PUT DOWN THE PHONE.
Read something. Play a game. Talk to a stranger. Argue about whether 1984 or 1987 had the better soundtrack. We have fast Wi-Fi, but we're not going to make it your personality.
Grab a coffee, pull up a chair and stay longer than the algorithm says you should.
THE BBS IS BACK.
Our community board is a love letter to the days when going online made noise. Events, local notices, bad jokes, cafe specials and messages from fellow humans.
300 BAUD BBS v1.0
[1] THIS WEEK'S EVENTS
[2] LEAVE A MESSAGE
[3] CAFE SPECIALS
[4] LOST & FOUND
[5] SYSOP'S QUESTIONABLE OPINION
Users online: 1
Maximum users: 1
Connection: blazing
> SELECT: _
NO COVER. NO FOMO.
07:00–10:00
18:00
18:00
17:30
17:00
09:00
All damn day
Obviously
We survived latchkeys, mixtapes, dial-up and hair with structural engineering. We can handle your coffee order.